Idiocy. That’s the best way to describe the whole premise of this game. If someone wants to play this game because they enjoy enacting what they see when playing it, they’re an idiot. If someone wants to play this game because they think it looks fun, they’re an idiot. If someone wants to play this game because pixelated, naked body parts turn them on, they’re an idiot and should probably go see some help. There is absolutely no reason for this game to exist...Except that the developers at Mystique probably figured that there were idiots, like the ones mentioned above, in the world that would actually buy this awful game with an awful premise. What is this premise, you ask? Well, prepare to scratch your head with one arm while you ball up your fist with the other.
In Custer’s Revenge, you take the roll of General Custer...Who happens to be back from the dead and wanting revenge on the Native American population. Believing that the Native American population would be most hurt if he attacked women, Custer focused his undead eyes on them for his attack. So, he’d capture the women, tie them up to a post, and then....well, rape them. Actually, I made up most of that story to make it sound like there was some plot here...The game is basically just Custer walking towards tied-up women and him having his way with them to rack up the points. The game is as painful to play as it is to know that someone actually thought that this premise was actually good enough for a game to actually be made of it.
The gameplay is awful. As you make your way towards the Native American woman, the Native American men shoot arrows from afar to try and stop you. So, basically, you need to dodge arrows with poor controls and try to make your way over to the victim so you can commit an awful, awful crime. This isn’t fun. It’s horrible, boring, and almost unplayable...Especially when arrows that aren’t even near you manage to kill you. This game doesn’t even get the chance to be repetitive...You’ll be sick of it in mere seconds. The game looks and sounds like absolute garbage...Even by Atari 2600 standards. It contains some of the worst visuals and annoying sounds that you’ll likely see and hear on the system.
If women out there are complaining, please note that Mystique apparently thought ahead and also created a game called General Retreat/Westward Ho for the European market which sees the tables turned with Custer tied to a post while the women folk rape him...I guess that Mystique believed in equal rights. I just wish that they had believed in morals, too.
Overall, there is absolutely no reason to play this game. It is absolutely terrible in every sense of the word from the sheer idea of the game down to the actual gameplay itself. The concept is downright offensive and you’d have more fun having your neighbor slam your face in a car door than sitting down to play this trash. After playing this game, I want a different kind of revenge than Custer...It involves me traveling back to when the game was made and waiting for the developers in the parking lot with a pair of brass knucks. Even then, I’ll only be able to give them a fraction of the pain I had to endure while playing this game...It’s that bad. - Ape
1982
1982
